Review by Eric Hillis
Directed by: Nikias Chryssos
Starring: Sandra Guldberg Kampp, Helena Zengel, Lucie Zhang, Lily Taieb, Tracy Gotoas, Elina Löwensohn, Zlatko Burić
You can't accuse Bloody Tennis of false advertising. Writer/director Nikias Chryssos's horror movie features a lot of tennis and is certainly very bloody. What you can accuse it of is being a cynical and empty-headed attempt to channel the flavour of '70s European exploitation cinema.
The allusions to Suspiria arrive from the off as an American teenager is driven to a remote European academy. Ballet has been swapped out for tennis here. The young American protagonist is Sophie (Sandra Guldberg Kampp), who wishes to follow in her late tennis-pro mother's footsteps. The academy is run by Mary (Elina Löwensohn), whose appearance is clearly styled on the witches who ran the ballet academy of Argento's classic. There is only one coach, and it's no surprise to find he's played by Zlatko Buric in yet another of his trademark sinister Eastern European roles. The only other staff member is Fred (Vincent Romeo), a semi-mute servant who might as well be named Igor.
There are five other pupils for Sophie to compete against, including her drug-addicted roommate Heidi (Helena Zengel), bitchy Brit Nelly (Lily Taieb) and Bana (Tracy Gotoas), who Sophie immediately begins lusting after.
The academy does little to hide its evil intentions. The girls are made to drink a protein shake that looks suspiciously like clotted blood, and which makes Sophie vomit once she tastes it. Fred is upfront about stringing the academy's custom-made rackets with cat intestines, and this doesn't seem to bother Sophie all that much.
This plays into the biggest problem with Bloody Tennis. Sophie simply isn't likeable or sympathetic enough for us to get behind. The idea is that the academy will turn her into a single-minded sociopath who will do anything to succeed, but Sophie is already a bit of a bitch from the moment she arrives. I can't imagine any audience member rooting for her to succeed, whereas under-developed supporting characters like Bana and Lucie Zhang's Xue are far more deserving of our sympathy.
Unlike Suspiria, there is no mystery for our protagonist to solve here. The academy's sinister intentions are so obvious that it's impossible to believe it is allowed to operate. Things boil down to a Darwinesque battle between the six girls, with only the winner making it out alive. Don't the families of the losing girls wonder why their little darlings haven't returned home? How has the academy earned its reputation for producing tennis greats without drawing attention from the media or the International Tennis Federation? Some of these issues might have been lessened if the movie was set in the past, but it is impossible to swallow in 2026.
Bloody Tennis has none of the atmosphere, style or ingenuity of the classic exploitation flicks it hopes to evoke. It just has the violence and nudity, and of course a completely unconvincing lesbian hookup. The violence is blandly staged and features some second rate effects work. The tennis scenes are similarly uninspired. Challengers it ain't. If Bloody Tennis is trying to court fans of vintage grindhouse fare, it fails to serve them anything to fall in love with.
Bloody Tennis is on Shudder from September 25th.
