Review by Eric Hillis
Directed by: Jonathan Zuck
Starring: Alice Eve, Eric Michael Cole, Elle Haymond, Sarah Siadat, Johnny Gaffney, Lisa Yaro, Jim Klock
It's rare to find a movie today that's so bad it's entertaining. Bad modern movies tend to be simply bad. This is especially true of the shark movie sub-genre. It shouldn't be difficult to make a movie about a killer fish chomping on people at least moderately entertaining, but almost every recent entry in this ever-growing sub-genre is a boring dud. Chum is a dud too, but you can't say it's boring.
Like Dangerous Animals, the standout among 2020s shark movies, Chum throws a psychotic human antagonist into the mix. In a prologue we see how fisherman Roy (Jim Klock) loses his beloved wife to a shark attack. In voiceover Roy tells us how he has since dedicated his life to tracking down the shark responsible. Roy's hilariously written narration is an early indication that we're in for a guilty treat here - "The sea takes what it wants and leaves the rest of us to pick up the pieces. But I am not the sea. I am a man!"
Cut to Malta, where Tina (Alice Eve) and Tom (Eric Michael Cole) are already bickering despite having just gotten married the day before. It seems the marriage is doomed because Tom is an environmental activist and his new wife is a businesswoman whose company is involved in screwing over said environment. Surely this is something they could have thrashed out before tying the knot? To make things even more awkward, their distractingly buxom friend group insists that they take a trip out to sea on a catamaran.
At sea the shark we met in the prologue shows up and eats the boat's captain. The good news for Tina and co. is that Roy pops up just in time to save them before their boat explodes (don't ask). The bad news is that he plans to use them as bait to lure in the shark.
The best compliment I can pay Chum is that Mac Fisken's cinematography is adequate if uninspiring. Unlike some other recent shark movies, you can at least see the gore here (I'm looking at you Devil's Mouth). But on practically every other level, director Jonathan Zuck's film is inept. The movie is set in Malta, but composer Jojo Draven has decided to score it as though it were set in the Caribbean, all steel drums and synthetic Soca beats (it sounds a lot like the music from Super Mario Kart). The accents are all over the place: Eve's Tina sounds Australian, her father is very English and her kid sister Sadie (Elle Haymond) seems to be from the San Fernando Valley. The acting is atrocious across the board, with even the usually reliable Eve struggling to sell the script's awful dialogue. Shark movies have become synonymous with bad CG, and that's the case once again here, with the lighting failing to match any of the blatantly digital (possibly AI?) insert shots. The editing is choppier than the waters on which the drama plays out.
But for all its failings, Chum at least understands its mission. It's baffling how so many shark movies fail to realise why people watch shark movies. It's for the simple thrill of seeing human idiots get chewed on by a superior predator (the shark thriller might be the ultimate "good for her" sub-genre). Chum misses its target by a nautical mile, but at least it's aiming for its target. We do indeed get to see some idiots get their top halves separated from their bottom halves, and they're so loathsome that you'll be clapping when it happens, even if the blood is clearly CG. And what idiots this lot are. It's laughable how the not especially intimidating Roy manages to stay in control despite being outnumbered six to one. The film's biggest face palm comes when a pair of coastguard agents arrive and Roy's hostages all bafflingly agree to keep shtum.
If your own idiot friend group is seeking some post-pub Friday night thrills you could do worse than Chum. Its brain dead plotting makes it ideal drunk viewing. Every digital download of this movie should come with a voucher for your nearest kebab shop.
Chum is on UK/ROI VOD from August 17th.
