Review by Eric Hillis
Directed by: Daniel Lerch
Starring: Sophia Anthony, Velvet, Dante Blake
Not to be confused with 2013's Saturnalia, 2022's Saturnalia, or 2022's Saturnalia: Cave-Girl from Outer Space (???), director Daniel Lerch's Saturnalia is billed as a love letter to the Italian giallo thrillers of the 1970s. Lerch even managed to snag Goblin supremo Claudio Simonetti to score his film. But aside from two garishly lit opening scenes that riff on Dario Argento's Suspiria, Saturnalia never comes close to capturing the unique mood of vintage Italian horror.
The general plot owes a large debt to Argento's film. Set unconvincingly in 1979, the film sees teenager Miriam (Sophia Anthony) sent to a remote prep school, the Alstroemerias Academy, when she is orphaned following the deaths of both of her parents in mysterious circumstances. The school only seems to have one teacher, tyrannical headmistress Ms. Hemlock (Velvet), who instantly gets on the rebellious Miriam's case. Plagued by nightmares, Miriam comes to believe that something sinister is going on behind the scenes at the school, which might explain why her classmates are disappearing one by one.
It's difficult to gauge what sort of vibe Saturnalia is aiming for. It's not remotely scary, and it doesn't make a whole lot of effort to generate suspense or scares. The kills have none of the grisly invention and dazzling filmmaking we associate with giallo, and the movie is oddly low on bloodshed. Its plot structure has more in common with Cool Hand Luke than a giallo thriller, right down to Ms. Hemlock forcing Miriam to take part in various food challenges as though she were a cross between Paul Newman and Adam Richman.
The general tone is closer to Ed Wood than Argento or Bava, with stiff actors delivering clunky dialogue. Anthony is completely unconvincing as a teenager, and as Hemlock, Velvet looks barely older than the actors playing her pupils. It's difficult to tell if the strained performances are a feature or a flaw, but they make the movie a chore to sit through either way. Many scenes play like they're building up to sex scenes that never happen, as though Saturnalia began life as a softcore porn before having all its nudity excised (the lack of skin further distances Saturnalia from the movies it's attempting to evoke). The attempts to replicate Suspiria's beautiful lighting scheme backfire thanks to unflattering digital cinematography that makes the the film appear to have been shot in a laser tag facility. Even Simonetti's score is generic and uninspired, a far cry from his innovative work with Goblin in the '70s. The best Italian thrillers made you feel like you were in the (black-gloved) hands of a maniac. Saturnalia is a far too sober affair, a failed attempt to capture a specific type of lightning in a bottle.
