Review by
Eric Hillis
Directed by: Keith Thomas
Starring: Zac Efron, Ryan Kiera Armstrong, Sydney Lemmon, Kurtwood Smith, John
Beasley, Michael Greyeyes, Gloria Reuben
Another adaptation of Stephen King's Firestarter seems
redundant in 2022, given how much its story of people gifted with
super-powers being hunted by sinister government forces has been done to
death in the X-Men franchise, not to mention indies like
Midnight Special, Fast Color and
Encounter. But Hollywood seems allergic to fresh concepts and so we here we
are.
Taking the Drew Barrymore role of Charlie is Ryan Kiera Armstrong. Gifted with psychic powers she can't yet control, Charlie is prone to
causing fires whenever she gets angry. With puberty and her surly teen years
approaching, it's no wonder Charlie's parents are worried. Her mom and
dad, Vicky (Sydney Lemmon) and Andy (Zac Efron), are
similarly gifted/cursed, particularly Andy, who can use a Jedi mind trick to
bend others to his will.
The family has stayed off the radar by avoiding the use of wi-fi and
cellphones (though they still have a landline) so as not to be found by "The
Shop", a government agency headed by a Kamala Harris stand-in (Gloria Reubens). When Charlie causes a fire in her school bathroom, The Shop is alerted
to her whereabouts and sends a similarly gifted agent (Michael Greyeyes) after Charlie.
I'm not going to pretend the 1984 version of this story is some sort of
under-appreciated classic, but it's staggering how well it compares to this
terrible reboot. For a start, the '84 film manages to evoke the sense that
Charlie is being chased, something this version fumbles. The Native-American
tracker is a problematic stereotype, and while this version casts an actual
Native-American actor rather than a pony-tailed George C. Scott, it doesn't
make it any less eye-rolling. The film doesn't really know what to do with
this awkward character. It seems uncomfortable making a Native-American
character a villain, and so there's little sense of threat from Greyeyes. In
the right hands this could be as exciting a chase thriller as James
Cameron's Terminator movies, but it's practically devoid of any suspense
set-pieces.
The Charlie of this version is given no real character development, and so
when the villains talk about her being a monster it's hard not to think they
might have a point, as the film does little to humanise its young
protagonist. We see Charlie do far worse things here than any of the nominal
bad guys, and one sequence involving animal cruelty would be particularly
disturbing were it not for the unconvincing CG effects (if your movie is
called Firestarter you should probably make sure you can at
least make fire look realistic). Early on something happens to Charlie that
would traumatise any kid, but she doesn't seem affected by it in the least,
and no mention is made of what should be a devastating occurrence for a
child.
Things aren't helped by a weird timeline in which characters seem to appear
in locations that they couldn't possibly have reached so promptly. This made
me wonder if some sort of teleportation was at play, but no, it's just messy
editing.
I don't think it's a spoiler to say it all leads to a fiery climax, but
it's one that gives the impression the filmmakers really wanted to remake
Carrie but had to settle for Firestarter. The violence is so grim and mean-spirited (though dogged by the terrible
CG) that by the end you may be rooting for the sinister government forces
who seem correct here in viewing Charlie as a threat. Chances are you won't
make it to the end however, as the movie is so dull you'll probably have
nodded off to the dead zone by the hour mark.
