Review by
Eric Hillis
Directed by: Kirk Caouette
Starring: Kirk Caouette, Andrea Stefancikova, Michael Kopsa
I've always believed that when it comes to casting action movies, it's
best to hire a performer who can pull off believable stunts and
set-pieces but lacks acting chops over an actor who can command a
monologue but looks like an arthritic pensioner when asked to perform a
fight scene. Nobody would call Jackie Chan a good actor, but when he's
willing and able to do incredible things with his body in the name of
entertainment, who cares?
Watching American Badger, the third feature directed by stunt performer Kirk Caouette, I
began to doubt my beliefs in this regard. Caouette casts himself in the
lead role, and while he's clearly able to handle himself in the movie's
moderately well choreographed beat 'em up and shoot 'em up sequences,
he's also one of the most lifeless actors to ever grace the
screen.
If you've ever seen the movies of cult multi-hyphenate hack Neil Breen,
you'll have an idea of what to expect from American Badger. As with Breen, Caouette seems oblivious to how lacking in not just
charisma, but in any identifiably human traits, he is. Throughout his
film, Caouette often appears as if he's awaiting directions from
offscreen, as though he forgot that he's also the director. He has the
blank stare of a terminator whose battery ran out, and he wears his
leather jacket in a manner that evokes a Catholic kid making his first
communion.
Caouette plays our anti-hero Dean, a hitman who likes to compare
himself to a badger. Not the sociable European variety, but the North
American badger, which retreats from company and prefers to stay hidden
in the shadows. He also likes to conduct his killing in the most public
manner, regularly shooting up nightclubs and restaurants, which seems to
completely contradict this philosophy.
Pulling from the most overused plotline in action cinema, Dean is
tasked with killing a woman, and you'll never guess – he only goes and
bloody falls for the dame! Slovakian cam girl Marcella (Andrea Stefancikova, who comes off like Meryl Streep next to Caouette), has some info
about "the cartel" (Oh God!), and Dean has been hired to seduce her to
plumb her for knowledge. Really? They expect this charisma vaccine to
seduce someone? Unbelievably, Dean pulls Marcella, though his seduction
technique is never made clear. He never seems to speak to Marcella, but
they say women like a good listener, so maybe that's his secret.
As with Neil Breen, Caouette peppers his script with the most mundane
cod-philosophical musings imaginable. The dialogue between Dean and
Marcella contains such insightful nuggets as "Did you know there are
more stars in the sky than grains of sand on Earth?" and "I wonder if
this is all a dream and when we die we wake up." Makes you think.
What's so strange about American Badger is that for all
its failings in terms of script and casting, on a technical level it's
quite impressive for its budget. Caouette does a decent enough job of
staging John Wick inspired action scenes, and the
cinematography (by three listed DoPs; make of that what you will) gives
the movie an attractive, colourful comic book aesthetic. Had Caouette
hired a couple of humans to rewrite his script and play the lead role,
this could have been a decent enough piece of straight to VOD action
filmmaking.
But the action beats account for about 10% of the running time. For the
rest we're left to endure an often unintentionally hilarious vanity
project featuring a script and central performance that appear to be the
product of an extra-terrestrial who has come to Earth to take over our
planet by conquering the film industry. I salute our new alien overlord,
Kirk Caouette.
