Review by
Sue Finn
Directed by: Darren Berry
Starring: Katy Brand, Lee Latchford-Evans, Robert Portal, Nicholas Vince, Ian
Virgo, Cheryl Burniston
It’s reunion time for the 2004 class of Mass Acre Woods Prep High School.
‘Nervous Nelly’ Jessica (Cheryl Burniston) sits in her car
contemplating Dutch courage when she is pulled from her reverie by Sara
(Aoife Smyth), who apparently still lusts after her old school
crush who’s now Jessica’s fiancé, Simon. They are joined by vapid Lauren
(Natasha Killip), who’s all breasts and attitude, and then they
head in to the reunion.
There are a wealth of characters in the pub awaiting the catch up and
though we get to see them all in various conversations, the men aren’t
quite unique enough to be that discernible from each other. After the
crowd make it clear they aren’t pleased at her appearance, Jessica
attempts a quick getaway but her plans are stymied by a car key mishap.
Her old chess club friend Nathan (Lee Latchford-Evans) - whom we
had seen having suicidal inclinations earlier on - quickly befriends her
again and before they know it it’s the next morning and they are signed up
to paintball.
Several losing games later and it’s time for the horror to start.
There is a killer on the loose hunting down our paintballers. Will they
find out who it is before they are all dead?
Written by Chris Regan and directed by Darren Berry in his
big screen debut, this British effort is a bit of a mixed bag. Some of the
dialogue works very well: I thoroughly enjoyed Sara and her
Fast and the Furious analogies, always told while smoking a
joint; there is some intrigue to be explored with regards to the elusive
Simon; and I did relish the personalised kills. It should also be said
that the way Berry works around a limited budget combined with a need for
big splashy deaths is actually quite clever.
Having said that, there are big problems with this one. For starters, too
many characters who are all pretty obnoxious and not people I could bring
myself to care about, except for the aforementioned Sara.
The acting is hit and miss with some performers stronger than others, but
they aren’t helped by a script that has them behave in sometimes blatantly
contradictory ways. No one in this world reacts as real people would. For
example, upon finding their opposing team gruesomely slaughtered, Jessica
says calmly "I need to call Simon, he’d know what to do," while others
just talk about either wanting to go home or wish they had their phones to
take pics for Insta.
There needs to be some sense of real-world
consequence or it all means nothing; horror comedies don’t work if
everyone is so casual about the killings that it’s all like a big joke.
The balance here is off, and it makes for a strange viewing experience.
Slashers aren't known for their subtlety or character building, which can
be to their detriment if they don’t have a certain amount of silly charm.
This film is lacking any sort of charm but also doesn’t work as a comedy
horror as it’s a bit too crass and mean spirited to be funny.
Also, I understand the allure of an understated ending, but this one is
deliberately unclear and ultimately quite frustrating.
The deaths are creative and the gore aplenty, but this didn’t really work
for me, and though its ambitions are commendable, this one misses the
target.
Paintball Massacre is on US
DVD/Digital now. A UK/ROI release has yet to be announced.
