Directed by: Rob Zombie
Starring: Scout Taylor-Compton, Malcolm McDowell, Tyler Mane, Daeg
Faerch, Sheri Moon Zombie, William Forsythe, Danielle Harris, Kristina Klebe,
Danny Trejo, Bill Moseley, Tom Towles
By 2007, a host of classic horror movies had been given the remake treatment.
A small few were worthwhile ("Dawn of the Dead", "The Hills Have Eyes"), many
were pointless ("The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", "Psycho"), but most were just
plain awful ("The Fog", "The Amityville Horror"). Fans of John Carpenter
braced themselves for the inevitable remake of his 1978 classic and when it
was announced that Rob Zombie would write and direct, the prospects looked
bleak. With his previous films, "House of a Thousand Corpses" and "The Devil's
Rejects", the rock-star turned director had shown no evidence that he could
come remotely close to making anything resembling a watchable motion picture.
Few were surprised when his "Halloween" turned out to be a cinematic travesty.
Zombie is no more a film-maker than Spielberg is a rock-star. His take on
Carpenter's masterpiece isn't so much a film as the back page of a teenage
sociopath's maths book brought to life. Not content with delivering a
terrifying slasher movie, (as if he'd be capable), the cretin decided he'd
delve into what turns a young boy into a psychopath. The first half of the
movie, yes, the entire first half, is devoted to Myer's childhood. Seems it
wasn't the supernatural forces of ancient Ireland that influenced young
Michael, no, it was the fact that his Daddy was an alcoholic redneck and his
mother a stripper. If a film-maker wants to make a treatise on nature versus
nurture that's fine but don't hijack a much loved franchise to deliver your
half-baked psychology lesson.
If one word can describe Zombie's style, it's "ugly". Every character, even
Dr. Loomis (McDowell), looks like a guest on Jerry Springer. Like Michael
Haneke and Lars Von Trier, Zombie seems intent on making us feel bad for
enjoying horror movies by giving us a story completely devoid of what's
generally considered a good time. What those film-makers fail to get through
their judgmental heads is that we don't get off on the violence, we get off on
the fear. The ascent of the rollercoaster is far scarier than the descent,
it's the fear of what's around the next corner, what's making those noises
behind that door. The real terror isn't on the screen, it's in the thick fog
of our psyches. The dentist's chair is never as terrifying as the dental
appointment.
1/10
Eric Hillis