Celeste & Jesse Forever
Directed by: Lee Toland Krieger
Starring: Rashida Jones, Andy Samberg, Elijah Wood, Emma Roberts
Celeste (Jones) and Jesse (Samberg) are a separated couple who remain friends and behave as though they're still head over heels for each other. They're on the verge of getting back together when Samberg learns he is to become a father after a one night stand.
This is one of those rom-coms where you find yourself really hoping the protagonists hook up at the end. In this case it's because they're so obnoxious you wouldn't want anyone else to have to endure them. Jones is a "trend forecaster", one of those great movie jobs which requires you to do very little work. She spends a lot of time mocking the decline of American culture while behaving like a moron herself and hanging out with people with names like "Skillz". Samberg has no job but still seems capable of leading a highly active social life. The only likeable character is ironically the one we're meant to despise, Roberts playing a Brittney Spears type pop star who Jones considers the nadir of culture.
Despite it's hip pretensions, the movie verges unconfortably close to homophobia with it's gay stereotyping. The film's aesthetic looks like it was by a teenage girl who just discovered Instagram. It's hard to see who the target audience is for this as it literally has something to infuriate everyone.
2/10
Seven Psychopaths
Directed by: Martin McDonagh
Starring: Colin Farrell, Sam Rockwell, Christopher Walken, Woody Harrelson, Tom Waits
A disturbing recent trend is the revival of the sort of postmodern crime capers which polluted nineties cinema. McDonagh's follow-up to 'In Bruges' is the latest, an overlong and overwritten mess featuring some of the year's most irritating dialogue.
Farrell is an Irish screenwriter in L.A with a case of writer's block. His friends, Rockwell and Walken, run a scam whereby they kidnap rich people's dogs and return them for reward money. Unwittingly they've stolen a mutt belonging to crime boss Harrelson. Farrell finds inspiration from the real-life craziness he finds himself caught up in and enlists the aid of his two friends to get his movie written.
McDonagh seems more interested in showing how much of a smart-ass he can be than creating original and interesting scenarios. If you've seen any post-Tarantino crime movie you've seen (or rather, heard) all this before. Characters ramble on incessantly in a barrage of verbal diarrhea. McDonagh, one of those annoying Brits who dreams of being Irish, made a name for himself writing for the stage. Perhaps he should return to such surroundings as he sure can't tell a story in pictures.
3/10
Fire with Fire
Directed by: David Barrett
Starring: Josh Duhamel, Bruce Willis, Rosario Dawson, Vincent D'Onofrio, 50 Cent, Vinnie Jones
Firefighter Duhamel goes into witness protection to testify against white supremacist D'Onofrio. When an attempt is made on his life, he decides he's going to have to take out D'Onofrio himself, utilizing his fire-fighting skills along the way. Yes folks, it's every bit as awful as that premise suggests. Don't be fooled by the presence of some big names, this is home video fodder at it's worst. Willis' role mainly consists of him looking grumpy behind a desk but D'Onofrio is great as always, his over the top performance the only positive here.
2/10
@moviewaffle