Directed by: Rob Zombie
Starring: Scout Taylor-Compton, Malcolm McDowell, Tyler Mane, Daeg Faerch, Sheri Moon Zombie, William Forsythe, Danielle Harris, Kristina Klebe, Danny Trejo, Bill Moseley, Tom Towles


If one word can describe Zombie's style, it's "ugly". Every character, even Dr. Loomis (McDowell), looks like a guest on Jerry Springer. Like Michael Haneke and Lars Von Trier, Zombie seems intent on making us feel bad for enjoying horror movies by giving us a story completely devoid of what's generally considered a good time. What those film-makers fail to get through their judgmental heads is that we don't get off on the violence, we get off on the fear. The ascent of the rollercoaster is far scarier than the descent, it's the fear of what's around the next corner, what's making those noises behind that door. The real terror isn't on the screen, it's in the thick fog of our psyches. The dentist's chair is never as terrifying as the dental appointment.
Unlike those other two directors, Zombie is incapable of making a good film in any genre, and certainly not horror. Because it relies so much on lighting, framing and camera movement, horror is the most cinematic of all genres and requires real talent to make it work. Here the lighting is abominable, the framing nonsensical, and movement consists solely of shakey-cam. For some bizarre reason we are constantly treated to the backs of character's heads rather than their faces. The director doesn't seem to understand that acting is in the eyes, not the ears. Zombie, arrogant in the way only musicians can be, possesses zero talent as a film-maker. Somehow he got to make a sequel to this mockery of cinema.
1/10
Eric Hillis